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tia

E2黑社会' 热心助人奖' Hot人气' 神秘会员' 阳光大使' 鲜花达人' 优秀会员' 时尚潮人' 【20E2】诺亚方舟勋章' 

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桃花劫 2016-12-14
葉桃花半邊 一夢江山幾年 一夏塵飛滿天 一點墨思無言 一生荒唐 一世戎疆 一路惆悵 一段輕狂 一笑彷徨 一杯酒涼 一張面具下誰被遺忘 若生未成雙 可有桃花香 是否那佛堂 依舊頌梵唱 卻笑夜未央 明月掛清霜 江山杯中晃 不飲也斷腸 幾曾相對 幾番錯對 卻問青梅 今朝何歲 誰與相隨 誰負與誰 輪回殿賭下幾世歡悲 可記那一天 年少的初見 桃花迷人眼 是劫還是緣 可記那一天 最後的相見 遙遠的天邊 誰含笑的臉 是誰的江山 盛世畫一卷 誰見畫裡面 悠悠桃花甜 是誰的江山 繁華的執念 誰為誰許下 輪回的誓言 三生石 的誓約 可曾會時過境遷
(22)次阅读|(0)个评论
Mofo 2016-07-16
I haven't felt this way in a very long time. Hesitation, uncertainty, lack of confidence, wtf. I wanna follow my heart but where is this going anyway? And does it matter where it goes? What is it that I fear? I've decided to follow my heart coz my brain isn't that much smarter and at least that way I can be true to my feelings not playing games but why the hell is it so hard when it comes down to it?? 
(38)次阅读|(0)个评论
Acceptance 2016-03-17
I used to think "accept who you are" is one of the top 5 on the cliché list, well a small part of me still do at times but I'm beginning to accept the idea of "acceptance".  I disliked the idea because at the time, it rather represented lack of motivation, courage and whatever crazy positive words you can come up with, there's always a but, that's what people are like when they are young. They want the "roar factor", thinking they can take on everything until they get beaten up, full of wounds then they curl up and come up with the idea of "accept who you are, work with what you have". God works in mysterious ways, he really knows how to put you in line, trust me.  That was just being cynical, typical me. Seriously though, is acceptance at a higher spiritual level or a form of self deception/self comforting or self surrender. Is it wise or is it a way of saying I'm too old for this shit and I give up, I'm gonna use the rest of my life to love myself? That point of view is totally objective and I stand by it.  I don't have the answer to that but sadly I'm beginning to see a pattern here. The inescapable natural pattern of growing old. You hate new music (except for that newish bieb's love yourself), you think young kids are ignorant rude and way too colorful yet wanting to join them once every few months (one of the mid-life crisis symptoms). A lot of things/people don't bother you anymore either because your world is way too big to worry about little things like that or you are numb. You still get grumpy at times because 1. you are old <--totally legitimate reason. 2. things aren't the way you remembered them to be, you have to start to read instructions FFS. 3. Knowing that you aren't getting any younger. The whinny list can go on and on but hey, what else can you do except for accepting? So acceptance basically means you have no choice? So you can either be grumpy about it or you can pray for a fairy with pixie dust. I'm going with the pixie dust.  Lack of sleep has permanently damaged my brain I suspect. If it was back in the days I'd come up with conclusions by now but right now I have no idea. I'm still confused as and I'm losing my touch. Being nocturnal sucks. All nocturnal animals are ugly, sorry animals, please forgive me for being shallow at 2am after 2 hrs of sleep this morning. I'm gonna end it here before I offend any more creatures. 
(97)次阅读|(0)个评论
I 2015-10-31
struggled a little before deciding to write this down because I didn't wanna jinx it but then realised I could live comfortably with almost any outcome so here we go. I was offered a management job today at a relatively cool place I occasionally do work for, and as a person with lack of responsibilities I said no maybe not a manager role. They then said ok we can start as assistant first and see how we go. I was over the moon, not only for the job but also for the recognition that my own company does not even offer. I mean I must be doing some kind of decent work for the biggest boss to come to me and ask me if I was interested in working with them. This alone makes me happy enough to not care so much about whether this whole thing goes through or not. I probably sound like a toddler desperately seeking for approval and praise but it's actually what I need the most right now - knowing that what I am doing is building up something to take me somewhere, even if it's not this time but for the first time in a while I'm seeing hope. The universe is finally throwing me a bone keeping me going, and for that, I am thankful. I guess you really have to be really down at the bottom to appreciate things that you used to take for granted.  Part II HONY I've been wanting to talk about HONY for a while now. HONY - Humans Of New York, a book, a Facebook page, a tearjerker almost every time. A picture of person, or part of them or their belongings with a short paragraph sometimes as short as a sentence of their life stories, their beliefs, their actions, their plans and so on. HONY's FB page has 15 million likes/followers, probably the most I've ever seen. I started wondering why, why the popularity. I guess no matter your background, your religion, your upbringing we all find that deep down we can relate to some stranger somewhere else in the world, we can sympathise, be inspired/encouraged or they make us feel we are not the only weird people with the most weird problems. It opens my eyes (insert Chinese eye joke here sorry can't help it even being on a serious and emotional to me topic) like nothing else has. I don't care if the stories are one sided, it's what a person has experienced first hand. It's their reality, their perception. 99% of the comments are full of love and positivity, like spotting a dinosaur on pitt street in this modern day internet troll age, and I somehow feel that all the tough armour I have equipped myself with got stripped down layer by layer and I don't mind. I let myself get lost in HONY's world. For that short 2 minutes I let my emotions run wild and unguarded. I'm not that resting bitch face syndrome person I normally am.  That's why I don't read HONY in public.  Click. Locked back up. and I really wanna add this in: the most memorable story of HONY's of mine is a lady probably in her 50s going through a bin with a smile on the side of the road on a sunny day with caption of "I accidentally threw away a receipt." Out of many traumatising and touching stories I remembered this one in particular. It's so simple, our little everyday problem, not the end of the world, not news headlines, probably not even noticeable to someone like me. Maybe the ordinary outshines others inside a room full of extraordinaries. It's beautiful in its own way.  I haven't slept much but to get all these off my chest, it's worth it. I don't care if I walk around like zombie tomorrow, this is totally worth it - knowing that I fed my thoughts and my soul tonight. 
(77)次阅读|(0)个评论
I don't have much to say at this time of the day 2015-10-02
Police fatally shot 105 people in Australia between 1989 and 2011, just three of them women, according to an Australian Institute of Criminology report. Almost half were  suffering from a mental illness  at the time they were shot.
(69)次阅读|(0)个评论
I 2015-09-25
guess when I like something I like what it represents more than anything else. I used to wear this silver ladybug necklace, given to me by a friend of mine, on daily basis. Not my style, and I have always questioned "why ladybug" but felt too rude to ask especially with the way things coming out of my mouth so I kept it shut. Anyway I wore it coz it was a farewell present, I kept it as close to my heart as I physically could. Now the friendship isn't there anymore and the necklace is in storage along and tangled with all my other cheap or expensive jewelries.  I used to value things and stuff by its design and whether it has that tiny little detail to capture my heart, now it's more about the meaning behind it. I now honestly think the best present one can receive is a  piece of   custom made jewellery. I have no idea why - or maybe I do. Accessories are like the tiny details that crushes your last bit of resistance of owning it. They may be small but they sparkle, they have the power to make you shine effortlessly and only the ones think the way you think would notice and appreciate the piece.  What I wanted to write would not fit in that tiny box hence typing in blog form right now and I feel obligated to fill in the space with more words as I feel obligated to fill my shopping cart with groceries even I was just going into the supermarket for apples and red bull.  So the other day in a car park, some dude said 你好 to me right on the other side after I parked and jumped out. My eyes were actually pretty bad so I had no idea who it was, my first impression was some Chinese real-estate guy? Not that I know any, except for this current one for my rental and I hate him guts and would not even recognise him in public. Have to say my hearing was bad too coz that was some white person's accent I didn't even pick up on until I got closer to him. A few things, 1. I can call him white coz he was being racist, assuming all Asians are Chinese and speak Chinese, although in this case he is right but that's not the point. 2. He might not be white, probably Mediterranean or whatever. 3. I was not technically walking towards him, I was walking towards the entry to shops from my side of the car park and he was walking towards the same destination from his side. Anyway, as we walked closer to each other he kept looking at me so I just stared at him. Ok looking I guess, tall, muscles, shiny-looking suit, back straight, what a vain motherfucker I thought to myself. YES I DO JUDGE. NOBODY WEARS THAT KIND OF SHINY SUIT OR BLAZER I CAN'T REMEMBER UNLESS THEY ARE SOME KIND OF NARCISSIST. I was dressed like a homeless person, ripped jeans, check boyfriend shirt that did not make the top 3 buttons (maybe that's why) and military boots. After a few meters it really started to bug me so I practically yelled at him :" whachu keep lookin at?" Totally Brooklyn style or parra style I swear. When he first I said 你好 to me 老子已经在不爽了 。He probably didn't expect such reaction (if he was expecting blushing and giggling he was definitely barking at the wrong tree, and shame on you Asians who made yourself that easy making him think he could pickup any Asian he wants just for being white, grow some backbones. Yellow fever is a form of racism too by the way, get a hold of yourself) he was shocked and said "ohh ohh you just look like someone I know." I didn't say anything but I swear my face said WTF. He said the same shit again. At that time I wanted to say that "what coz you think us asians all look the same is that why?" But I magically stopped myself somehow just wanting to put an end to it said "cool" then walked away. One thing about me is, doesn't matter how 99% part of me think it's bullshit, that 1% always gives that tiny bit of doubt it might be true, I mean giving how fucked up this world is, anything is possible. So that was that. Have to say comparing to those tradies in utes that beep then wave at me with some creepy smile at traffic lights or oldies (not so many senior citizens now maybe I'm getting too close to their age) or weirdos tried to talk to me on the other side of the road in traffic jam this dude is relatively decent. YAY THE FUCKING SILVER LINING. I was just saying to someone the other day, I'm not a chaseEE (is that one e too many I don't know) I'm a chasER. I much prefer people leaving me alone especially strangers (yes dear strangers, I don't know you for a reason, because I don't want to!!!) and I approach the ones I need despite how much I hate doing so.  Okay I think I went too far better put a stop to it. Just to clarify, I don't think I'm hot or popular to get hit on, please take it into consideration that some people do have weird tastes, brain damage or error of judgement. I would much prefer winning people over with my personality not it's that great anyway but I'm not being sarcastic or trying to be funny, I'm serious. I want them to hold the broken bits together and love me for who I really am. Unlike that ladybug necklace friend that just calls off on our friendship over something I would hardly call a dispute.  Like my homeboy Fity Cent says "when it rains it pours."
(125)次阅读|(0)个评论

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